A Feeling You Always Seek (This Is a Hard One to Share)

Just about anyone who was molested will tell you that you always seek that feeling you got when someone touched you.

God designed our bodies to respond to certain touches that would arouse us sexually. However, that was for a time between a man and his wife; not a hunter and his prey. So when a young child's body is vandalized it can make things really confusing because the touch does feel good.

As a little girl when I was touched in that forbidden spot it did feel good. When my step-brother did it it was painful because of the violence her exhibited while in the act of violating me. However in the case of others who used me I will be honest and say it did feel good.

Please don't get me wrong because not all things that are good are good for you. What I am saying is that that feeling stays with you and seek it often.

For me it became addictive to the point that I was sexually active through most of my childhood. Let me tell all parents now...talk to your children because they will play and be influenced to play in ways that are not good, but feel good. Don't hide the facts of sex because if you do someone else will talk to them and man will it rock their world in a negative way.

It started out for me with two kids playing with one another. When I turned 16 I had my "first" sexual experience with a young man and I continued this path often having sex within the first two weeks of meeting a man.

I thought it was the only way to make a man love me. He could not possibly take me without the sex. After all it felt good and it made both of us feel good.

I never had a relationship that lasted for over 4 months. Well a couple did, but for the most part it was all about sex.

For me it was love for them it was sex. Then one day I told myself that, like man, sex would become all about satisfaction. It helped me to feel better while I was in the midst of continual sin.

I have had a lot of sexual partners - not something that I feel good about - however, it needs to be said. It needs to be shared.

Your child's very life may depend on it.

I praise God that I never had any sexually transmitted disease or AIDS. It could have been a lot worse, but it is not.

All of this because I was seeking a feeling that I should have never known.