Rummaging Through the Trash

You never realize just how much junk is in your life until you start to face yourself!

Sure a lot of it entered into my life unwillingly, but as I got older I had a choice to change. I chose not to work on it. I just kept sweeping it under a rug and ignoring the small pile forming. Eventually it turned into a huge pile of toxic trash.

Bitterness, anger, promiscuity, manipulation, lying, and so much more became a part of me.

Molestation not only ruins your body, but it messes up your soul. Without help there is only disaster waiting at every turn. Remember I never got help. As a matter of fact I did not start sharing about my molestation until I was well into my 20s.

So my soul was vexed by the evil of sexual abuse.

I did and said so much that I forgot what was real and what was memorex. But I was good at it and most of the time I got away with what I was doing.

No one had a clue...or so I thought.

I found out some years later that there were people who knew I was all memorex and yet they still loved me because they knew the real me. One of my oldest friends said that once she found out all of the stuff I had been through, she understood why I lived like I did. Pushing everyone away with lies, manipulation and bitterness.

I was always doing something to push others away. Sometimes on purpose and other times subsconsciously.

But God was always there and I knew it.

That is why some years later I started working on these ugly ways. The first to go was manipulation. I had used to many people with my sneaky ways. I then let go of my best friend and confidant...the liar.

Now I am working on my bitterness and anger. They tend to go hand-in-hand. I thought it was gone too, but I stayed angry and bitter the first four years of my marriage.

Get this straight because I have only been married 5 years come September 1.

This time when I work on this stuff I am not only putting it in the bag, but I am throwing it in the garbage finally.

The difference between now and then you might ask...God and nothing but! He has my back and this time I don't want to run from His protection. I want Him to help me do this.

So now I am telling others about my stuff because it holds me accountable to work on it. I have no choice but to do so. My witness and the lives of so many other depend on me throwing tha trash out this time.

Does that mean it won;t show up at my doorstep again...Nope!

This time though I am armed with the ultimate WEAPON! My faith, hope, and love for Daddy!

Gotta go take out some trash!