Picking Up My Little Girl

About two years ago I heard Pastor Rebecca Simmons speak on picking up your little girl.

I realized during that talk that I had left my little girl back in that bedroom and never went back to pick her up. Leaving her there caused so many years of unnecessary heartache. The little girl I left in that room was not the little girl that I took with me.

The little girl I took with me grew up too fast. She was always the one who did the mothering and nurturing. She was the one who would lie to get what she wanted. She was the one who built a wall that kept others from hurting her. She would get them first.

That little girl grew up to be tough no-nonsense sort of women with a mean independent streak that scared the worse of 'em. She hung with drug dealers, thugs, and the tough crowd. She was well respected (or rather feared) and she kept others in line. She was not afraid to fight a man because no one would ever hurt her again.

When Pastor Simmons spoke on that topic I cried. When my husband asked me about a month ago, if I had ever went back to get her, I cried again.

I had still left her crying on the bed with a strange color of red. I left her wondering if anyone would ever understand. I left her to be the victim.

And yet it was really me...I was the victim.

What a reality!

So now I have picked her up and we cry together. I tell her that someone does understand and she can be vulnerable and learn to trust others. She can move beyond the point of forgiveness into a process of healing so that she can become truly liberated; no longer is she the victim.

We cry often but each tear sheds a part of the past the may never be forgotten but it surely shall be conquered.