When Daddy Found Out

When my step-brother had sex with me and beat me for the last time, I stayed away from my Dad's house for two years. I would not go over there anymore anymore. At this time I was about 6 or 7 and while the molestation stopped with my step-brother, it continued with a neighbor who would babysit me and told me that I was his secret girlfriend and we would play boyfriend/girlfriend games almost daily.

By this time that way of life was so ingrained in me that it was a normal occurance. In my little mind, it was a part of life; although it was not a very good part of my normal daily existence.

Anyway, my dad did not get why I stayed away. I always had an excuse. He was so hurt I could hear tears choking him sometimes. So he would come and get me during his lunch hour and take me to the race track (I loved to see the horses run...they seemed so free).

You see the last time was it for me because my step brother beat up something awful. After having his way with me, he put a frankenstein mask on me, told me I was ugly, and punched me in my face continuously until my lips were big, split, and blood was everywhere. I am not sure if my jaws were swollen, I just remember the pain.

I also remember feeling ugly and unloved.

He made me tell my dad and step-mom that I fell against the dresser. I don't think they believed me but they did not press the issue too much. They knew my step-brother was bad and needed help. They also knew he did not care for me, but again they never pressed the issue.

I went home and determined I would never return. I was terrified of my step-brother and confused. Why would someone who was supposed to love you hurt you so bad.

The guilt must have gotten to me step-sister because she finally told my dad. I am not sure how they felt about it after it happened, I just know my dad called, told me that he knew, and that I would not have to worry about my step-brother again.

My dad never told my mother. I think he was afraid she would keep me away from him or something worse. You see my mom is a fighter and as a woman who was abused by her first husband she would have been ready for a fight with whoever got in her way as she tried to ring my step-brother's lamp.

At 67 we still know that when her eyes get big and that leg gets to shaking...watch out!

I went over to my dad's house and I did not see my step-brother. He was not allowed there when I was over. I also never heard another word of it from anyone in the house. No holding me, no drying my tears, no counseling...nothing. I did not see until I the last year that my father really took a coward's way out.

I loved my daddy and even after 21 years I still miss him. However, I think that the first thing a parent should do is handle the issue head on. A spanking and a threat won't solve the problem. Daddy and my step-mother did nothing. I think I remember me step-sister telling me that I never had to worry again. Like I said, I can't remember half of my childhood...especially the good stuff.

I have to look at pictures to jog my memory.

The fact that Daddy did nothing only fueled my belief that it was ok, although it felt so wrong.

My step-brother and I did not make much contact. He was not allowed to be in the home while our parents were at work and by that time he was into gangs, drugs, and other things so he was seldom around the house anyway.

I guess you could say I was angry with daddy once I figured that he knew, but I did not realize this until some years later. My relationship with daddy was strong because I knew he loved me with all that was in him. However the fact that he did not do much angered me. I lost a little trust and never felt very comfortable at his house. Although being with my daddy was always fun. I was his "T" and he would not let my step-brother hurt me again.

He never asked me if it happened with anyone else. Like I said, he never said anything after our initial phone conversation.

I am still dealing with being angry at a dead man. I have forgiven him, but I am angry because he did not do more. There should have been more done...so much more.

It may have taken me down another road!