Residuals of Life in the Pit 1

It's been a while since I have blogged. Why?

I am not really sure.

I have been examining my life by talking to God about what He sees. What I have seen can be called residuals of life in the pit.

Residuals are those things that are a direct result of living in a dark pit filled with dirt and a great deal of mess. For me the residuals of being thrown in the pit caused me to lose a lot of precious time in life. I put my dreams on hold, neglected myself, abused myself, hurt people, and most of all I did not let God love me.

I also dealt with and still do deal with intimidation; especially with people who are in power and men. As a result of allowing others to intimidate me I did so many stupid things.

There were times when I would literally freeze up and just leave whatever the issue was alone. My life was in victim mode often and I really did not know how to speak up for myself. But I would fight in a minute...go figure!

Intimidation is paralyzing! There is no other way to say it.

It traps your authentic voice and keeps you from effectively walking in your destiny.

I know because it had me immobile for 36 years before I woke up to what was keeping me from walking in freedom.

I still struggle with it sometimes but I have learned a few key motivators to keep me from falling back into a life in a mental wheelchair.

1. Prayer - Not just any prayer, but a get down and dirty prayer. You know like the ones David prayed in the books of Psalms.

2. Affirmation - Tell yourself daily that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Tell yourself that you are the head and not the tail. Remind yourself that He is the potter and you are the clay...He is molding you in a most perfect way.

3. Read a Psalm Daily - Oh the blessings of this wonderful book.

4. Writer it out - Write when you feel intimidated. It helps you to see what the issue is and why you may have it.

5. Talk it out - I just cried to my husband about this issue the other night. It is very theraputic.

6. Think Before You Speak - If you are in a situation where you feel intimidated, don't talk until uou think about it. Please!

Don't live your life in a mental Wheelchair.

A Victim No More

I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

So why did I play the victim for 38 years? Convenience? To get empathy? To look like a martyr?

What ever the reasons, God has told me it time out for playing the victim.

I am more than a conqueror!

So why did I live my life so defeated? Fear of coming out of the box? Fear of change? Fear of failure? Fear of me?

What ever the reasons, God has told me that I have no right to act in a such a way. To live defeated means I have no faith...Jesus said if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can move a mountain. I was existing as if I just did not believe.

God told me that He is an out of the box God and I have to be His out of the box child!

God told me that change is necessary for growth. He prunes me with purpose!

I am not here to live a dormant life....Jesus said He came that I not only have life, but have it more abundantly!

So what if they touched me, had sex with me, violated my right to have sex for the first time with the man I love. So what if they beat me, scared me, and made me feel little.

He is God and He knows the plans He has for me.

To live my life in fear of failure is more sinful than murder, gossip, stealing, and even molestation. It hurts Him more when I don't try.

No longer am I to play the victim. This message is not just for me, but for you to my sister or my brother.

You are made in the image of a perfect God! You are loved beyond measure! Nothing can separate you from that love!

Don't the ignorance of a few keep you from living your life....

Outside of the Box!

You are no longer the victim. You my friend are the victor!

Healing....It Truly Is Powerful!

Healing!

When I came here this afternoon I was struck by the fact that I have changed so much in the last few months. I guess when you truly get sick and tired, you really do.

It was my rock bottom....just being sick and tired.

That is what happened with me. As result of my reaching my rock bottom I asked God to show me what to do and to work with me, in me, and on me because I could not live this misery anymore. I could pretend I was satisfied with my life...but really I was not.

I could think I had it all together. But really I was a cookies down to my the last bite. All I was waiting on was for someone else to come and enjoy.

I had really given up on me and in essence, on God. I stopped believing that He cared.

Here I am not even months later and I can say that God truly does come through. All I had to do was let go and let God.

A hard task a wall builder.

I praise God because I am healing and now it shows!

I sit here now in tears because I see all the time I wasted being miserable as I waited on God to do some sort of hocus pocus and make me brand new.

I know now that is not how it works. I knew it then....I just wanted to be different!

Healing...it is a very powerful tool!

It Shall Come to Pass

...and ye know in all your hearts and in all your souls, that not one thing hath failed of all the good things which Jehovah your God spake concerning you; all are come to pass unto you, not one thing hath failed thereof.
Joshua 23:14

I did not accept Christ until I was 20 years old; that was 18 years ago.

However, as a little girl and all the way through my life before Him, I knew He was there. I did not feel scared all those times I was raped (that is what it really was). I knew He was there.

My momma took me to church, I saw her praying on her knees; and at a young age I witnessed black gunk being vomited from my possessed aunt's body after an experience with voo doo as the pastor and others stood in a circle around her and prayed the Word of God. So I knew there was a God. Yes I knew.

I felt His presence when I needed it most. I talked with Him often.

My life would have been worse had He not been there.

As confused as I was about all that was going on with me, I knew He would never leave me nor forsake me. I knew He was going to take care of those evil spirits that made people hurt me.

I always knew I was called, I just did not know to what and I did not accept the call until some years after my Salvation experience.

Looking back I see where God allowed my situation because He knew that I would be here writing to you, my sister in pain. My sister who was touched in such a mean inappropriate way. Even you my brother hiding the shame of being violated in such a cruel way.

God never broke one promise to me. He was faithful not only because He is God but because His loyalty and faithfulness towards me in my darkest hour would catapult me to answer the call.

So if you are wondering where He is, look and listen He has always been there.

He never left you. He knew you needed Him and He knows that you still do.

He has broken one promise and He never will.

I am Grateful For...

A moment to just smile!

A smile says so much and it is infectious!
A smile says I love you without saying a word.
A smile says that life is OK!
A smile is like a flower....it blooms into sheer beauty.

Praise God for the frown turned upside down!

Coming Out of the Pit

Last night I attended a Pink Collar Club book of the month call. The book of the month is Beth Moore's Get Out of the Pit.

I have yet to read the book and kept saying I need to get it.

The call last night reminded me that I did not put myself into the pit, but that I was thrown into the pit. WOW! I did not put myself here.

However, at 38 it is time for me to get myself out of this pit. Why? Self-absorption!

Pits are often small, tight, dark, and lonely. No one else resides there but you. What happens when it is only you. Life becomes about you! Yep, I said it.

Let's get real and be honest with ourselves. My molestors did put me in the pit and as a child I had no way of getting out. I learned to be in my own world and make it all about me. I statyed in the "victim" mode.

What a shame!

Here I have the Word of God and a Daddy who loves on me everyday whether I accept it or not and yet I refuse to step out of myself and move beyond the junk of the past. Who am I to stay stuck in my past and allow it to suck up all the oxygen out of my life. Without oxygen you will die!

I was reminded last night that I don't need to stay stuck because I am more than a conqueror. God has been good to me and has created me fearfully and wonderfully! Who am I to tell Daddy that He is a liar. God never lies! He is who He says He is and He does what He says He will!

So I am climbing out of my pit and learning to speak the truth of God in my life.

I am more than a conqueror!

I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

I am the apple of God's eye!

I have been placed on rock to stand!

The Lord is my light and my salvation.....Whom shall I fear!

I was created with purpose! Designed for destiny!

Speak God's truth into your life today!